It's A Side Effect Of The Whiskey
by Gingerfloss
Summary: Tony Starks life has better things to contain, like science and experiments, sports cars and women and not running his company and a new brand of whiskey than wondering about his PA and what she gets up to. But Pepper Potts has fallen for someone, and its not him, and its driving him mad. (PRE-IM/IM2/Avengers. First Person P.O.V)
1. Chapter 1

_((A/N: This is the start of something that I've been considering writing for a while and the idea, along with a certain Mr Stark who wouldn't get out of my head. The next chapter of my other fic will be out soon, thank you for reading and enjoy my first attempt from writing within Starks Head!))_

Lets just get this straight before we start, I Anthony Stark, do not give a fuck what my PA does with her life outside of the office, especially not what she does with her love life.

Why would i?

Its never been something I care about, I'm not allowed to, even when I get curious. The devil in Prada heels would unleash her powers on me if she even suspected I was wondering about it. And as much as I pretend I'm not bothered by her, she can be really quite scary. Its probably why she still has her job.

Anyway, My life has better things to contain, like science and experiments and not running my own company and a very nice new brand of whiskey I've discovered.

That's something I learnt within the first week of working in the same building as Pepper Potts, that you just don't ask her about relationships unless you want your head biting off, and I don't mean the one on your shoulders. Along with the fact she doesn't drink and doesn't smoke and will look at you like she's going to throw something heavy at you if you suggest it.

She's always completely confused me to be honest, because no matter what, she'd always at work on time, done up to the nines and giving me the unimpressed look of the day (she's got one for every day of the week, its usually how I work out which day I'm supposed to be on) before scolding me for whatever I've done now, because according to Virginia Potts everything is my fault. Don't tell her but quite a lot of the time it is, but who doesn't enjoy an argument over breakfast?

When I get breakfast. Which I don't seem to be getting yet! Next time I'm bored I'm making me a breakfast robot, even though DUM.E can do toast it doesn't mean I can eat it.

I swear that woman would still be at work even if there was suddenly an apocalypse and everything collapsed and died and turned into zombies, I'd still get a grumpy red-head dragging the covers off me at 8:05am. According to her it's never 8:00am because she'd always hoping I might possibly have gotten my own arse out of bed before she manages the five minute walk up the stairs. I never do, probably never will do because it's quite nice just to see her leaning over me every morning.

The only time it doesn't work is Shark week (also known as pepper-potts-is-on-her-period-shes-more-dangerous-then-normal-don't-go-near-if-you-want-to-keep-your-job-and-your-balls-week) because those are the mornings when she just pours cold water over my head and stands there glaring at me until I get my soggy butt out of bed.

But this morning is weird, which is probably why I'm talking to you about it. And someone said talking to yourself was useful psychology nonsense or rubbish or something. I might have to buy a diary if I keep this up.

She's not here, I'm 8:34am and Tony Stark is still in bed with last night's blonde trash on his arm. Yeah I call them trash, she started using it and its much easier than attempting to remember their names and I may have accidently called her Pepper last night whilst we were getting it on, and its not the first time I've done that to someone. Not my fault the silly girl looks so much like her, just not as pretty or ginger, and I can't play dot to dot with the freckles up her right arm in a business meeting with someone from china. Pep's make a slightly sideways bird thing, but this woman has had her blemishes surgically removed I'm certain of it.

And she's got breast implants. Seriously? It felt more like playing with lumps of jell-o that didn't want to be squished. I bet she looked beautiful without them, now she just looks like she'd going to fall flat on her face every time she walks.

What is it with women and plastic surgery? Some of the girls I've run into lately have been that filled with face glue I don't even get a smile out of them. Whats the point of something that doesn't even give you a proper expression when you're deep between its legs? I've always prided myself on making a woman scream, and when they're filled with botox they pull the same expression at me that they do when they're having a shit!

I think its one of the many things I find so entertaining about my PA, her expressions, especially her smile. Which I think I've only earned three times in the past god knows how many years, the latest one being when I finished all my paperwork without being asked or threatened. Pepper looked so delighted I thought she might burst. I can't remember the last time she'd actually been able to leave the office at 5pm on a Friday night.

I didn't particularly want her to leave, call me childish but I'm no good at entertaining myself, it's part of why I spend so much time out doing things or playing with the bots in the lab, means I've got someone to keep me company. Its probably part of the reason why I have JARVIS, so I've never completely on my own.

But anyway, Pepper's still not here, Its 8:39am and I've still got the trash on my arm…. Which probably means I have to get rid of it?

I'm not even quite sure how to do it. What do I do with it?

…

Sneaking out of bed was harder than I thought, I woke it up. But I've finally sent her packing with a fake phone number and assorted sympathies for the fact her hips are so sore.

I don't really care, I'm more bothered that I've actually dragged my own ass to the office, and that I've dressed myself and everything else. I'm sat in my office looking at my paperwork! I'm about to do it. Actually sign my name on something that I've read six times over.

Fucks sake Pepper where are you.

I'm actually starting to worry about her, its well over an hour past her usual turning up in my room time and still no sign. I'm not going to call her, that's just not my style. It'll sound like I'm desperate then.

If she wants the day off work it doesn't bother me, I'll just not pay her.

But the sound of heels on the tiles has just (finally) stopped me feeling sick, thank god, because I know those sounds all too well. That's the sound of my PA running down the corridor, hopefully with my coffee in one hand and my breakfast in the other.

"Mr Stark?" The door slides open and she's standing there, panting a little and her hairs a mess, it look like a birds nest all piled on top of her head. You wouldn't think I'd notice exactly what her hair and her dress and her make-up looks like every day, but I do. And today she looks like a mess and like she's in a complete daydream.

"Yes, Miss Potts?" My voice is sharper than usual and I'm not looking up at her, I don't like this, Pepper smells wrong, she looks wrong and her lips are ever so slightly swollen. She puts what she's brought me on the table and steps back. I'm still not doing to look at her.

"I brought the usual order, and cancelled this morning's meeting. It seems our client no longer needs to meet with you as we settled the business deal over the phone." She pauses, obviously waiting for my response but she's not getting one: "Our next meeting will be in three weeks when we've sorted the first or-"

"You're late." I point out bluntly, unable to keep it in any longer.

"I know" She's shifted awkwardly, cocking one leg slightly as she does, Pepper always does that when she's worried about something.

"Why?" I'm not going to ask anything else now am i?

"Because I am." Pepper retorts grumpily, turning away from me.

"That's not a reason pepper…"

"Why do you insist on getting one! I'm late, and I'm going to go and return to work as always and you're going to sit there and be useless as always." Usually by now we're arguing, I'm not listening and she's just getting frustrated, but I can't be bothered right now. Anyway, she gets more amusing the less noticed I take of her and right now she could do to cheer me up somehow, before I march off the lab and get on with whats in my head right now. (quantum physics, I've got something I want to try that came into my mind when I was with that trash.)

Hang on, she's just walked out of here without me even noticing! At least I got my coffee out of her, that's always a good th-

Or not. It's the complete wrong thing. Ew.

Which only means one thing, which is the same thing it always means and I swear she's done it on purpose.

Pepper Potts has slept with someone.

And it wasn't me.


	2. Chapter 2

It's still not a side effect of the whiskey I think it might be love...

I've honestly no idea why I even bother with listening in these stupid meetings that woman keeps dragging me to. They're annoying and pointless, and all that seems to happen is I get told off for my inability to behave, or listen to her, or the boring people in the meeting. Pepper's being a tease though; she's smiling the way she does when something good has happened. These so called good things don't ever seem to involve me, just my company and whatever deal she's made this time. I swear that woman could make millions from thin air if she could stick 'Stark Industries' on it. It's one of the reasons I keep her employed here, she's fantastic at her job.

I think she does a better job running the company than I ever would have done.

Anyway, I think the meeting must be finished cos she's shaking hands with those guys that I was supposed to be listening to far too happily. Hopefully that means another few million in the bank for me and a new pair of shoes for my pepper pot in thanks. Usually she'll buy herself a new pair when she's done something good. A bit like me and cheeseburgers.

I've bought her a few pairs, one of which was for her 27th birthday and I actually managed to buy those myself! She didn't have to pretend. Pepper just doesn't know that I had to go through about 50 different websites before I found the right pair. And even then I didn't really think I'd got it right. I'd just caught her glancing at what the other business women around me were wearing, and the girls I took home with me.

I don't forget her birthday cos I actually forget it, I forget it so I don't have to attempt to buy her a present. I'm awful at presents. She buys everyone else's presents for me, so that I don't get it completely wrong.

But back to my PA and what she's got on her feet. After I bought her a pair of lob...reboots...lo-something or other tons, also known as stupidly high shoes with a stupid name, she didn't take them off her feet.

I didn't know just how much she'd like them... I've never seen her smile quite that much at me or blush that hard. I think the first thing she did was try to give me them back, before I had to make her sit down and kneel in front of her, steal the cheap heels she'd obviously bought in Target and strap the new ones onto her feet. From down there I had the most fantastic view of her. I could have easily spent the time looking up her skirt and admiring her panties, like I would with any other woman, but it didn't feel quite right with my pepper pot. I spent most of the time gazing up at her expression and marvelling at her feet, they were so soft and perfectly formed. And her toenails had been painted pink by someone. They were the same shade as her cheeks, a light dusky pink that showed off her freckles and her lip gloss.

Somehow everything fell silent between us, like in those stupid romantic films and books that people keep sending me to read for some reason.

It was the first moment I've ever wanted to kiss anyone that badly. If she'd been any other girl I would have just reached up and grabbed her. But it wasn't that easy.

So I just ignored the moment altogether.

Only she could have had me kneeling in front of her willingly, when really she should have been the one on her knees for me. But yeah, anyway, Pep's new shoes. So once I'd got them on her feet I had to make her stand up...

And I've never forgotten just how thrilled she looked before throwing her arms around me and holding me tight. I was that surprised by her actions that I didn't even make a pass at her, just tried not to fall over before holding her close in return.

She thanked me and disappeared, still about the same colour as a strawberry with blush and delight.

I don't get why she was so delighted... They were just shoes? And they didn't really cost that much at all; couldn't she have bought herself a pair?

But anyway, like I was saying, after I bought those she didn't seem to take them off. Apparently black stilettos go with everything. I've just gotten used to her wearing them and me grinning every time I notice her feet,

But today she's not wearing them

What?

I've seen her wearing them with that dress before so it's nothing to do with what she's wearing! And the ones she has got strapped to her feet are stupid if you ask me. They're much higher than the ones that I gave her, I can tell cos she's almost hitting her head on the sculpture thing that on the celling, apparently it's modern art but it think it looks like a load of metal on wires.

Okay, shut up Tony. Pepper's wearing different shoes, so what? What's annoying you so much about it?

I don't really know. But I don't like it,

She hasn't been late to work again since that one incident at the start of the month, but the stupid hair-do seems to have stayed. It's in some sort of bun on top of her head; I'm used to seeing my girl with it loose around her face or tied up in a ponytail so I can slip pencils in it on the way past.

New shoes, new hair and it's frustrating me. If I didn't know better I'd think she was having a mid-life crisis. But I don't think Pepper's old enough for that... is she?

"Mr Stark, are you going to move from that position or are you planning on spending the entire day staring at the floor?" She's caught me, obviously those important people wondered away a long time ago. Hands on hips and the 'Thursday' look that I was treated to this morning.

"I'm staring at your feet." I point out to her grumpily, running my gaze up her legs just to annoy her.

"They're exactly the same as they were yesterday Mr Stark."

"No they're not." I retort, darting my gaze up to her face: "You're wearing new shoes."

"Nice of you to notice, Mr Stark, but we just signed a multimillion-"

"What happened to the ones I bought you?" I cut across her before she can change the subject and distract me by giving me something else to think about: "You've been wearing them for almost a year."

Pepper looks like a mix between surprised and thrilled that I've noticed something so pointless about her: "A-am I not allowed to wear anything else?" She asks sharply, giving me a dirty look that lacks the usual fire.

"Never said that!" I huff defensively, getting to my feet to follow her out of the room anyway, if I want an answer to her curiosity I'm better off just doing what I'm told to do: "Just asking."

The strawberry blonde stopped, turning back to glance at me in annoyance: "Unless you suddenly decide to make it company policy that you have the right to tell me what I can and can't wear to work, I'll wear what I like."

I threw both hands up in mock surrender, following her down and onto the steps of the building, trying not to look at her again: "I was only asking! I didn't think you bought stuff for yourself like that. They're like the ones I bought you."

"Same designer." She explained, still walking just in front of me with a slight smile pulling at her lips: "But no, I didn't buy them. He did."

Her words made me stop in surprise and horror, looking at her in complete amazement. Pepper didn't seem to have noticed anything as she carried on walking across the car park, going to join Happy who'd been waiting for us the whole time.

He? Who the hell was this he?! Pepper didn't just have random men in her life that bought her thousands of dollars worth of shoes for no apparent reason unless...

Unless...

Pepper's 'He' was her boyfriend?!


	3. Chapter 3

_I think I need the whiskey, I think it might be love..._

I've just had post, and it's addressed to my PA instead of me. I haven't seen her since she threw ice cold water over my head this morning. It's some massive box from some company I've never heard of. Begins with a 'H'. In a capital letters of course so they think they're important.

But it's brilliant to be woken up thinking you're in the Arctic. It was fucking freezing too!

Anyway. She's not taken those awful creations off her feet for the past week. I'm still annoyed with her about it, but I'm not going to say anything. It's Friday anyway, which usually means that I have a gala or a party or something awesome to go and do that isn't work. (Not that I do work)

This Friday night is reasonably the same. I have some stupid event to attend and the company will probably win the awards it's up for and then I'll have to make a speech about how thrilled we are...blah...blah...fucking blah and then get very drunk on whiskey, find myself a sexy woman or two to take home with me and screw till the morning light.

But I don't get Friday night without having the rest of the day first. Yay.

This is another day of meetings and boredom and following Pepper about like a well-trained dog until she gets annoyed and tells me to go away and let her be the responsible one. I think my record for making her that annoyed is about ten minutes. I just wasn't built for meetings, especially not with people I find boring about boring things. If I could have meetings about mechanics and designs and interesting things then I would go! I go to every single meeting with the R&D department here at the company but apparently that doesn't count for anything in Virginia Potts' head.

Where was I? Um...whatever it was obviously wasn't that important.

My mind is currently running away with itself today, I was up half the night in the lab with DUM-E. I taught the bot how to make smoothies, took a lot of work but now he can make me something other than toast for breakfast. Might even taste of something that's not machine oil, he keeps putting it on the toast. Next time he does that I'll feed it to Pepper.

So, today I'm not planning on doing my work as always and teasing her until she makes me go away. I need the day to get ready for this evening. She's just marched in here, horrible heels and wearing a dress that's showing off her legs, Pep really does have the best legs in the business. And she's daydreaming again. Brilliant.

I don't like this 'boyfriend' she has. He's eating her IQ points slowly. One day she'll come in here and have the same IQ score as one of those stupid blonde things I drag home on a night.

"Yo Potts, You in here for a reason or come to admire this sex god?" I ask her, forcing her to pay some attention to where she's walked into, leaning back in my chair and spreading my legs with a smirk.

"You're late." her attention is back on me in seconds flat, her lips pulled into a scowl as she gazes at me. Luckily for me, her gaze does wonder down to my crotch, but that lasts even less time than the time it took for me to see her scowl again: "We have somewhere to be." And Pepper's turned to leave before she gets distracted by what's between my legs again.

I'm going to milk this, watching her leave, and watching her ass wriggle, which it does and I'm not going to tell her because I enjoy the sight. Before something suddenly comes back into my mind to whack me around the back of the head: "I have post for you."

Pepper stops the doorway, looking around at me curiously: "You do?" Obviously it's got her attention. Was she waiting for this or something? Forcing myself to my feet I pull the box out from behind me, shoving it on the desk between us.

Her expression changes when she notices it, I've never seen that look before. And it's adorable, like someone's given a kitten its first bowl of cream. Pepper crosses the room again with a smile that completely replaces the scowl and there's a sudden spring in her step.

"It that from you?" There's an almost hopeful tone in her voice as she reaches for the box, pulling it closer as I relax back in my reclining chair. Her gaze runs over it, and I don't quite know why I like watching her eyes so very much. They're the most fantastic shade of blue-green and she's wearing her glasses. As much as I know my strawberry blonde hates her glasses and the tinnitus that keeps giving her headache they're just part of what makes her...Well, her. Most girls aren't any interest at all further than what's between their legs and what colour their hair is, but I could seriously write a book about all the things that make my pepper-pot special.

"Maybe?" I can't help but tease her a little as she pulls at the tag on the box, flipping it over in her hands from the side that's displaying the weird company logo that I can't recognise or know the name of.

It's that moment that she stops, and I can watch the blush filling her cheeks. It spreads from the spot each side of her nose, across her cheek and ignites each one of her freckles so they're all glowing. It runs all the way along to her ears. Seems the more she focuses on the words on the label the darker her blush becomes.

Most normal men would have taken that as a cue to leave, but I'm Tony Stark, so the word normal never reached my ears, or my brain, or any part of me particularly.

"Who's it from?" I can't help but ask, grabbing for the label but Pepper keeps it out of my grasp, shifting the box closer and reaching for the scissors from the pot of random crap on my desk.

She's not taking any notice, obviously that parcel must be important or just interesting. But I'm still not going to go away, I'm watching this. Running the scissors through the tape she slit it open, tearing back the packing and making short work of the cardboard box.

I'm glad I wasn't that box.

Pepper smiles as she pulls free a massive bunch of red roses. And I don't mean a dozen, I mean about three with strange green leaf things mixed in and wrapped in ribbons and it's stupid.

Stupid like the expression she's pulling as she pulls them all into her arms, hugging them to her chest as she buries her face into them.

I can't see Pepper for the flowers, but she's giggling. It's the sweetest noise, but it's not FAIR! Who's making her make this noise?! And it's not me.

"Who are those from?" I ask haughtily, leaning back grumpily in the chair and crossing my arms over my chest.

She gives a very long look as she peeks up at me from the bouquet: "My boyfriend!" she points out, not putting the bunch down.

"He bought you flowers? Seriously?" I ask, pretending not to care, or have noticed her reaction to the horrible things, they're starting to make my office smell weird. It's like she'd open a box of poison or something.

I never thought I'd get annoyed at a load of plant heads.

"Isn't that a bit of a cop out?" I carry on; leaning forwards slightly to glare at the murdered red blobs she was still holding: "All women want flowers, its dull. A real man would have made an effort."

"A real man?!" She scoffs, giving me a sideways look from over them: "Like who? You? Mr Stark, You're too busy being a billionaire playboy genius philanthropist to make a real man."

And then she's gone, marching off with an armful of roses and a huff. Her words hurt. A lot.

I AM a real man! I Am!

And I'll prove it to her. I can find something better than those stupid dead plants.


	4. Chapter 4

_If this is Love I need more Whiskey...a lot more Whiskey._

Who on earth invented Public Transport? It's a waste, it really is. Everyone pays a fortune for it but it's never actually any good. Usually I wouldn't have even been here. But apparently she thinks it's a good idea or something. It wasn't MY idea, at all. I don't understand her sometimes I really don't... Although I wasn't really listening to the reason for this adventure.

Whatever, I can pretend I'm just another civilian for ten minutes, or ten seconds, depends how bored I get of this silly plan. Gives me chance to think. And stare at her. Pepper was late to work this morning. And muttering something about not wanting to give me a reason to be late.

I don't need a reason, I'm me. I do what I want!

Okay, that's annoying. Seems like Ginger has chosen today of all days to decide to wear trousers. Normally I only see those on shark week or if she's freezing. I don't think the answer is either of those, and she's not even noticed I'm staring yet. Miss Potts has officially the best legs in the business, one of those stupid fashion magazines she reads agreed. I don't normally really look at her legs for this long. Usually she yells at me by now for looking.

But she's not even looking at me.

She seems to have forgotten I exist.

I HATE BEING IGNORED.

"More whiskey, Mr Stark?"

"Yes." There's a pause as I down it, the liquid burns slightly and it's cheap but I can pretend it helps with the pain: "Why is it so hard to make women like me?"

"I never thought you'd struggle with making women like you, boss. Most of them fawn over you..." Almost as if to make a point my accomplice glances around the bar behind us both. It's one of the nicest bars in New York, full of mildly attractive women in skimpy dresses and I know they've noticed me. I'm used to the attention, used to the fuss and the sex that comes after.

"I mean the ones I want to like me, Happy!" I whine, flopping on the bar in front of me with a scowl, pushing the empty scotch glass at the man sat next to me.

Harold Hogan is my chauffeur, bodyguard and someone that shuts up and listens to me whilst I complain about everything in my life and then get laid in the back of the limo whilst he drives me home. I think you could technically count him as my friend too.

Okay, whilst he gets my alcohol I should probably explain why I know this Irish lump, considering he's the complete opposite of anyone I would normally employ. My staff are all beautiful people, or at least the ones I have to look at on a daily basis are.

Years ago, when I out testing my latest (and might I say brilliant but not exactly perfect) race-car in the middle of nowhere I lost control. Which wasn't my fault. And crashed it into a tree.

Yeah. The great Anthony Stark was defeated by a tree. Stop laughing.

But anyway, Happy (I'll explain that too if you give me a minute.) must have appeared from somewhere because he grabbed out of there and dragged me off before I could end up dead from the massive explosion that destroyed my invention seconds later.

I don't know why, maybe it was my dashingly good looks.

But yeah, he saved my life, wouldn't take the money when I tried to pay him off and is still working for me today. His name is something to do with his boxing career and the fact I have never seen him smile. Ever.

I don't even think it's physically possible for him to have that expression.

Anyway, there you go, Story time by Stark. I should trademark that.

"Here ya go boss." And he's back, armed with whiskey and probably a pistol somewhere about his person as normal.

I take it. Down it. And push the glass back at him without a word.

I think tonight I'll drown my sorrows and try not to think about where my PA is tonight. Probably in some undeserving wankers bed with her legs in the air.

Pepper probably looks beautiful like that. But that if she's underneath. I've always thought that woman would be more likely to force me down onto my back and straddle me, she likes control and I can't really see that changing much in bed. (I think I've had a drink or two, my mind is filthy when I have too much to drink.)

Most women don't want that from me, they want me to control them and me to make them scream my name, but I'd much rather she was boss. I want to know what she'll do to me. Watch her body move and her expressions.

She always looks exactly the same, that expression never changes, that frown and the way she looks at me.

I want to break her. I want to taste her. I want to kiss her.

And once I've let her top me I'll grab her and carry her upstairs. I don't care if she's naked. I want that woman over her office desk. Make a mess of the same place that I get dragged into every day for a telling off.

It would be so hot to throw her onto her front and take her from behind, keep tight hold of her hips and make her scream. Push my PA on her knees and take her how nature intended.

I will find that woman's animal instincts. The part of her that desperately needs my cock deep inside her cunt and ravishing her body until she's begging for more.

We'll wreck the tower the night she gives into what she really wants.

Virginia Potts is the most gorgeous woman I've seen and she's the only one that still refuses to get in my bed!

I still need a plan to work out how I prove to that girl I'm a real man.

God I want her.

Another Scotch!

And possibly a trip to the bathroom before anyone looks at my crotch.


	5. Chapter 5

_My Headache Is a Side Effect Of The Whiskey. Screw Love._

I think I drank one thousand too many whiskeys. My head is murder and I have an awful feeling that I've left the trash in my bed again. I don't even remember picking her up. I know I must have done.

Honestly I'm more surprised I got this piece of trash home last night, most of them don't make it to my bed anymore.

The woman's back is facing me as I shuffle a little closer, closing the gap between us. She's naked, her back arches in at the centre, speckled with a light dusting of freckles and slightly more weight on her hips than I would usually have expected. Normally my girls are about the width of my arm.

It suits her.

Almost shyly, I run my hand over her back, to the point where her hips start, there's the slightest red mark where she's obviously been wearing those Bridget Jones pants or whatever they're called to keep her stomach flat.

Means she ain't got any panties on, huh?

I've only ever met one girl who's ever worn those, and she was the same girl I lost my virginity to, and that was probably the worst sex I've ever had. That's the only time I'll confess that I was a shit shag, not my normal sex god self.

And I'll confess that girl wasn't gorgeous, or skinny, if anything she was fat and much older than me. With saggy breasts and a huge ass.

Oh eww. I bet this woman is going to be like that too.

I like my girls skinny and tailored to perfection, high maintenance and the kind of women you don't want to live with. Not the kind that you 'settle for' when you're 42 and still single.

This woman has grey hairs mixed into the ginger splaying out across the pillow; I can't help but examine it, pulling myself slightly closer. My trash smells like Channel No5 and apricot shampoo.

There's only one other woman in the world that smells like that, gently pawing at her hair I nuzzle into it, surprised when the scent fills my nostrils. Maybe it was the scent that attracted me to her? Gently I run my hand a little further up over the curve of her side, fingertips gracing her stomach gently.

I don't normally do this to my trash; usually I just prod them awake or sneak away and let Pepper deal with it.

Speaking of, where is Pepper? Pausing in my affections I glance over at the clock behind me. It's like, 11:30am on the 1st of April.

Stupid PA, She's god knows how many hours late. I bet that wanker she was shagging last night still has her in his arms.

Running my fingers up a little further, I can feel the gentle touch of her breast. For once I can feel her skin rather than her bones, and it's quite a nice feeling. Tracing my hand further up I smile, running my hand over her shoulder, brushing her hair off her body with a gentle smile, examining her freckles. Following the dots down onto her arm. They form a strange bird shape, slightly tipped to the left and looking ready to crash.

It looks familiar.

But she hasn't moved or reacted to my touch once yet, and I want to know what this woman looks like. And then I can throw her out of bed.

Gently, I push her onto her back, catching a long shocked glance of the smug grin on my ginger bed-partners face.

Holy. Fuck. That's. Pepper. How. Did. She!?

"Good Morning Mr Stark." Her voice is completely level, smiling gently up at me, running her hand gently through her hair.

"H-hi?" I sound like a complete idiot. Tony, Seriously. She's in your bed naked and all you can think to say is hi?! Oh shit, I think I might have mentally called my PA fat and old and ugly: "What happened last night?"

"Don't you remember?" She asks, biting her bottom lip slightly and looking sideways, still laying underneath me. God she looks sexy pulling that face, it's almost cheeky and it's adorable.

"I-I um..." Pull yourself together Mr Stark. Say something. Something productive. Gathering myself together I smirk, licking my lips a little and gently leaning in closer to her, losing myself in her eyes: "Did you enjoy last night?"

"Last night?" She smiles, gently pulling me down closer, one arm wrapped around my neck, the Channel-apricots from before are even more powerful: "Last night was... Amazing." Pepper licks her lips gently, letting me lean in closer still: "You're an amazing person, Mr Stark." She smiles, tracing her fingertips down my cheek.

"Up for another round, Beautiful?" I ask, leaning in to kiss her strawberry lips properly. I know I can take women to amazing places, but only when I'm sober, and she deserves it.

Before I can capture her, however, she starts to laugh. It's an adorable sound but I have a horrible feeling it's aimed at me. Her eyes are half closed and her smile almost hits her ears: "Y-you actually fell for it!"

What the hell is she on about now? What did I do?

"Y-you actually think you had sex with me!" There are tears at the corners of her eyes as she sits up, the blanket pulled tight around her body: "April fools! I never thought this would work!" Still giggling I watch her press into her ear, hitting the blue tooth earpiece hiding in there: "Rhodey, it worked! We got him"

I scramble backwards and get off her as fast as I can, my cheeks burning in horror and embarrassment. So ... so my PA and my best friend just...I have to laugh, not that there isn't a huge part of me that's desperately wishing that I really had just actually woken up with her there.

"You did." I grin, offering my palm to hers, letting her high five me: "You are so not my type it scared me! You could have flattened me with your thighs woman. And you're ginger." I shouldn't really have said that, but I can't let her know how I really feel: "Thought your boyfriend was going to kill me. Or maybe you'd want to leave him for me cos I'm so much sexier?"

Pepper gives me a very long look, only then do I notice the make-up and her perfectly curled hair. I need my powers of observation testing. She pulls herself out of bed before replying, wrapped up in a stolen blanket and a smile: "No thanks; my boyfriend is so much better in bed than you."

"How would you know?" I ask, pulling the sheets down and showing off my perfectly toned chest to her, watching her. Pepper actually does steal a glance too.

"My boyfriend," she paused, giving me a long look: "At least remembers to take the trash out before letting me into his bed."

I panic, glancing around behind me only to discover she's right, curled up behind me is the real remains of last night, blonde and skimpy and asleep with her mouth half open.

"Only cos you are his trash!" I retort without thinking, huffing at her in frustration.

And she's gone before I can say anything else.

Typical. Yet another chance for Pepper and I to actually get along, and I fuck it up.

Is it too early to have a drink?


	6. Chapter 6

Women are weird. It's a fact. Especially the ones that I work with. Seems like I can't even walk through my own building without a few of them fainting at the sight of me and a couple of autographs. Of course when I have a certain ginger women on my flank this kind of attention is unprofessional and not acceptable for the workplace.

Only then do I remind her that she's exactly the same over me somewhere inside. I'm almost certain she must have her own copy of my autograph somewhere, all women fawn over me. That one included.

Pepper is just denying the fact that she likes me so much. She doesn't want to confess she's like every other woman in America. If she didn't, she wouldn't look quite so annoyed and pink cheeked every time I mention it.

I'm not even quite sure where she's wandered away to this morning. She just went really pale in the middle of the meeting we were stuck in with Obie. I probably wouldn't have normally noticed all the colour leaving anyone's cheeks like that if I hadn't been staring quite so much.

Even Stane has stopped trying to reprimand me for getting distracted by Virginia's beautifulness in meetings. It's not as I have anything more useful I could do with my time whilst she and Baldness talk about finances and how I need to stop throwing money into every sudden idea I have for an invention without asking the *board's* permission to do so. It's actually my money, you two! You're not some kid's mom and dad telling them what they can do with their pocket money.

Pepper chooses the complete wrong moment in my admiring her cleavage to look around. The look she gives me could curdle sour milk.

I just grin back over at her.

After the morning I woke up with her in my bed I haven't really been speaking to her. I thought it would be a clever idea for a punishment for surprising me like that. Turns out someone was finding her life a lot easier without me yelling for her every few minutes.

Shame she was stupid enough to tell Rhodey she wasn't devastated by my three day refusal to talk to her. I've been trying my best to wind her up as much as possible since then.

Our meaningful discussion we're having through looks carries on until she suddenly turns about the same colour as a sheet. Shifting awkwardly on her chair before suddenly Pepper stops Obadiah mid rant, which is seriously weird because I'm the one that likes to interrupt, not my princess.

For once I think I have the same thought as His Baldness at exactly the same time. Which is something along the lines of WTF Pepper?! She said something to Stane before suddenly running from the room... well. Running in a classy, not actually running, way, more marching at high speeds in stupidly high shoes.

I'm not quite sure why but I moved to follow her once my brain had registered the information that she'd left. If she asked I'd have just protested about her abandoning me with Obie to tell me off for not living up to my father's expectations of me again. Not that I'm actually kind of a bit worried about her.

I know she gets ill. And I know she refuses to let herself be ill. I've physically had to get Happy to take her home a few times; Pepper is stubborn even about feeling dead.

I'm more than willing to spend a week in bed with man flu and make everyone do everything for me. It's fun to be completely attention seeking. Not that I'm not like that just about every day anyway.

Obadiah just sat and looked at me, giving me a look of "Where the fuck are you going, Tony?" that I couldn't be bothered to argue with. As much as I want to go after my PA, I'm not her marvellous boyfriend so I'm probably going to get punched in the face for trying.

I really wish I could even think about her being in someone else's arms without wanting to drown myself in whiskey or hire an assassin to accidently remove him.

Dammit Pepper! Just date ME so I can go running off after you and check if you're dying or something.

She's gone for exactly 8.42 minutes, which is a long time for a woman who can clear out a room in ten seconds flat with just a look. Stane was probably talking to me for the entire time she was missing, but I wasn't listening.

Her white cheeks are stained with pink blush as she sits back down. I really want to say something but the look she gives me is worse than the milk murdering one. The meeting carries on like nothing even happened.  
The moment it ends she disappears somewhere, without even scolding me for whatever I've done this time. Which is how I've ended up here, laying on the floor of the corridor outside her office staring up at the ceiling.

Turns out counting the ceiling tiles is even more boring that I remembered it being as a child. I used to play this game when my parents weren't about and the butler was busy. I think I worked out about seven hundred new ways to arrange the tiles just in the hallway outside my father's office.

"What are you doing?" I'd know that tone of voice anywhere; it belongs to be very nice pair of legs that have just turned up just above my head.

"Trying a new perspective." I answer without really thinking about it, it just sounded like a clever thing to say that wasn't "I was waiting for you." Pepper doesn't move, just stays standing there.

"Has your new perspective changed anything? Like the fact you haven't done your paperwork again?" Pepper scolds me, poking at the top of my head with one foot. She shouldn't really have done that. It gives me a perfect view up her skirt if I tilt my head back enough. I have a feeling she's talking again but I'm busy.

She's wearing proper underwear again. And it's boring. But she's still got very pretty legs under there.

"Mr Stark, have you finished being a disgusting perverse man down there yet?" I knew Pepper would notice, but I can't help but be smug as I sit up. Her arms are crossed over her chest and she's tapping the ball of her foot against the tiled floor.

"Of course, Miss Potts. Although you may need a second investigation from another perspective." I manage to catch her gaze as I stand up, she's unimpressed but she's not as pale and there's the faintest hint of a smile pulling at her lips.

"That is completely unnecessary, Mr Stark. I would rather you inspected your paperwork." We're both standing now, and embarrassing as it is, I actually have to look up to her slightly. She's taller than me and those shoes just make it worse.

Before I can think of anything to say to her she's turned her back on me, setting off back into her office.

Okay. So the thing I'm about to do is really stupid.

But I'm going to do it anyway.

Before Pepper can get too far out of my reach I lean forwards and grab her ass with my hand, exactly in the middle, squeezing it a little and making her yelp in horror. It's probably the least professional noise I have ever heard her make at me.

The funny thing is. All I can feel is the same stuff that diapers are made of beneath my hand.

Eww.

I let go before she can slap my hands off her, Virginias turned on her heel again and is glaring at me furiously.

"Don't you DAR-"

"Are you wearing a diaper?" It kind of slips out before I can stop myself from saying it. She looks like I've just slapped her in the face.

"I am on my period." Pepper almost spells out, giving me a very long, angry look like I should have known that already.

"...Get a tampon?" I suggest unhelpfully, backing away a little from her.

"I can't." Pepper looks like she's smirking at me, her head cocked a little as she gazes at me. I've got a horrible feeling I'm about to learn something I really don't want to ever know about. Stepping forwards a little, she keeps her gaze on me: "Not all women can use a Tampon. Some of us have to use other things. What you just discovered" Pepper pauses, and I think I'm somewhere between quaking and running the hell away, I've never sent that look in her eyes before: "Is something more commonly referred to as a pad. It works like a diaper between my legs but it soaks up blood and everything else that happens between a woman's legs during her menstrual cycle." I can't believe this. I'm standing in the corridor and getting a lecture from my PA about woman things and I can't even think of anything for say to her.

I'm just completely dumbfounded. And it's disgusting! I don't want to think about periods. Or blood. Or... oh god she's still talking!

"...So no. I am not wearing the underwear you put on a baby, thank you very much Mr Stark. Anyway. Don't you DARE ever touch my ass again. Or I will file a sexual harassment suit against you for everything you're worth."

Uh.

Am I supposed to think of an answer?!

That isn't waiting to scream and run away in horror at the thought.

"Yes... Yes, Miss Potts." I whimper, looking down at my feet. Even I'm aware that I sound like a kicked puppy.

Pepper smiles and marches off, leaving me standing in the middle of the corridor still admiring my feet.

I am NEVER touching her ass again ever.

Eww.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 - Not sharing my Whiskey with her, But love could involve a hand job.

"Hey baby..." I coo, my lips curled up into a grin as I gaze at my PA's back as she works, curled up with her legs tucked under herself on her chair. Pepper glances around at me grumpily, I can sense her mood already but I'm not going anywhere.

"Another pet name for me?' She scolds; obviously her mood hasn't improved in the slightest after yesterday's session of handing my ass to me in a plate with a period stick on top. She turns back around again, yanking her laptop closer to her again, obviously trying to bury herself in her work: "Can you still not remember my name?"

"I can." Pulling the door closed behind me, I keep my gaze on her back. This probably like entering the lion's den, she might eat me: "Virginia Patricia Stark?" I tease, grinning a little and attempting one of the many flirting techniques I've heard.

"Potts." She reprimands me grumpily, carrying on with her work. I bet she's blushing secretly though, her name sounds cute when you put my surname on it. Wasn't such a good idea after all it seems. Obviously its riling her a little, I can tell from the way she's shifted her legs under the table.

"Stark sounds better."

"We're not married."

"We could be." I offer, grinning at the back of her head even though she can't see me.

"No."

"I'd even let you be Potts-Stark if you asked nicely." Our discussion seems to have covered the time it's taken me to cross the room, stepping in close behind her and gazing down at the work in her hands. Pepper knows I'm standing here. I think that woman has Stark sensors built into her body just to stop me making her jump too many times.

"The answer is still no, Mr Stark." She mutters, starting to work through the tax form in her hands, pretending she's completely ignoring the fact I'm there.

"You wouldn't want to marry the man of your dreams, Pep?" I complain, resting a hand on her shoulder and feeling her tense a little under it.

"I believe you fell off a cliff the last time you were in my dreams." She points out in the same monotone as she was using earlier, turning a page of the report in her hands, starting to write something about our tax bracket. If I wanted to, I could easily fill in the form she's got. I've just never felt an overwhelming desire to do it.

"I'm still a man in your dreams." I point out with a smug smile, looking down at the top of her head again. Her parting isn't quite perfect, and there are little threads of silver mixed into it. I don't think I've ever seen the top of her head before; she's that much taller than I am.

Pepper sighs, I can feel it through my touch on her shoulder: "What exactly do you want, Tony? I'm sure you didn't actually come here to ask for my hand in marriage."

"Maybe one day I should." I mutter, leaning down a little so she can hear me. The blush that breaks out across her cheeks hits her ears as I rest my other hand on her shoulder, gripping them slightly the same way my masseuse does. Pepper physically seems to relax at that, leaning back into my hands slightly. I should actually think of a reason for being her that doesn't want to apologise for yesterday: "Anyway Potts, what's on the agenda for today."

That was brilliant Tony. Why didn't you just tell her you don't know why you're here? I don't think I've ever even used the word agenda before.

My strawberry blonde glances back to look at me, tipping her head up to gaze up into my eyes: "You doing your paperwork and we have a video conference with the board of directors about your inability to fill in your finances and the fact we seem to have misplaced almost a million dollars..." That look and the tone of voice are things I know too well. They're the warning signs that I'm going to get a lecture until the meeting that I'm supposed to be attending starts.

Kissing her is really not a good idea as a way to shut her up, Tony. It's much more likely to earn you a punch in the face. Curiously, I tighten my grip on her shoulders, running my thumbs gently over her shoulder blades the way my masseuse does.

She shuts up.

Wow.

Her rant seems to have vanished the moment that I start to massage her, gently rubbing into her shoulders. I don't actually know what I'm doing in the slightest, but I'm not going to stop, gently rubbing the palms of my hands into her shoulder blades and shifting my hands a little further down so they're resting against her back. I push my hands a little harder and carry on my attempted massage.

Pepper whimpers, her eyes closing as she tips her head back down. This could be so awkward if someone walked in. I think the noise means I've hit the right spot. I can't help but watch her, smiling a little.

Okay so I know I should probably have gotten bored and let go. But Pepper's still is making those cute little noises when I push against the right places.

That sounds almost sexual.

It's not! I promise!

"Feeling any more relaxed, Miss Potts?" I ask the wall, not daring to look down at her as I gently take my hands off her.

"Yes..." Her voice is a lot softer than usual as she turns around to face me, glancing down at her watch: "You're going to be late for your meeting, Mr Stark."

I would have already left but she's smiling, I've never seen Virginia looking that content. Running a hand though my hair I smile at her in return, just drinking in the sight of my PA being relaxed for five seconds longer than normal.

"Didn't you hear me?" She asks with a glare, the relaxation disappearing and of course it's my fault.

"Yep, die of board meeting. I heard you." Doesn't mean I'm planning on moving quite yet, I'm still gazing at her pretty face. I can tell the weather must be getting warmer; she's got more faint freckles on her nose than she had yesterday during my lecture.

"Shoo?" Pepper waves a hand at me, turning back around to her work: "You're going to be late."

"Only going to be?" I tease, folding my arms over my chest and watching her hair. I really am waiting for her to end up with a bird living in her messy 'up' do or whatever she calls it.

"Sir..." I can hear her scowling at me; she doesn't even need to turn around: "Could you not be on time for once?"

"Nope." Might as well be honest with her, I don't want to be on time. The more on time I am, the more likely they'll start asking me for my latest ideas for weapons, and today I don't have any to give.

Could tell them exactly how to give my PA a very good massage though.

Pepper is glaring at me as she gets up, crossing the room to loom over me. Stupid woman heels making her taller than I am.

Craning my neck a little, I look up at her: "Mr Stark." Miss strawberry blonde is giving me the same sort of look she probably gives the toilet after she's used it.

"Yes Pepper?" I ask, giving her my best completely innocent look even though I know what's coming next.

"Would you like me to escort you to your meeting?'

"Walk me to the door and wave goodbye?" I ask, keeping my gaze on hers.

Pepper gives me a very long look at that point, a very, very long look: "Do you really need me to treat you like you're in kindergarten?"

"Do I get a bed time story?" I ask with a grin, looking up still.

"Will you please stop behaving like a ten year old?" Pepper complains, huffing a little and crossing her arms over her chest.

"Actually. I think I'd need to be about four to be in kindergarten." I point out, giving her my best cocky grin.

We both just stand there looking at each other for a while. Well, more me grinning and her looking at me like I'm a bad smell. Pepper finally goes to speak but I cut her off before she can, looking down at my watch: "I'm late! Thanks Pepper, I've even got an excuse."

Her expression is a mix between horror and irritation as I scarper, I know I'll pay for it later but it was worth it. And I've got a brilliant excuse for being late, not that Obie is going to believe I got one up on Pepper.

Why on earth am I so smug about it?!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8- I don't share my Whiskey, my love or my woman.

I think the last two weeks could win an award for being stupidly boring. Everything is meetings and work and me getting into trouble for breathing in or even looking the wrong way. I don't think I've ever seen my company this busy or the rest of my staff doing this much work.

Miss Potts is a great believer in not delegating work and wanting to check everything before its sent off or filed. I can understand why, before she started working here the filing system was a bit of a mess, we were still using dad's original one from god knows how long ago. So now, just about every piece of important paperwork concerning me, my finances or anything really important has to have the Pepper Potts seal of approval so nothing can go drastically wrong.

I actually threatened to buy her a gold star stamp to stamp on the bottom of all the correct paperwork like you do with children's books at kindergarten. Pepper pointed out that the only one that would approve of that stupid idea was probably me, as everyone else was a professional and didn't need the motivation.

I still had one sent to her that Christmas as part of the secret Santa.

Anyway. That's how it used to work. But since this new boyfriend had appeared in her life she's stopped. She's actually been going home from work on time, stopped suddenly appearing on weekends to finish things off or kick me out of bed to do work, and she's started making other people actually do their jobs.

It's just weird. I can't even tell her off for overworking and pay her overtime anymore. Pep's just about halved her pay check...

And according to this email I have another really interesting meeting...with Hammer Industries.

I'm not even sure how that company's still afloat, all they seem to do is try to steal our military contracts with tech that's probably never going to work. Obie is usually the one that deals with people like them; I think that might actually be his job.

Whatever. I can't see this meeting being interesting in the slightest.

* * *

So apparently this event warrants Pepper being in a skirt that's well above her knees. And I mean a hell of a way above her knees. I think it's about the equivalent of a mini skirt in black.

I don't think I've ever seen her in anything that short before. It's a really sexy sight and motivation enough for me to follow her down the corridor to the executive offices of Stark Tower. We have special 'shiny' offices for meetings which I barely ever use.

Strangely we're on time for once, almost early.

Seems our 'guest' is here too, Pepper darts off at this point. She usually does, to apologise for me being late or grumpy or just generally me. Strangely she seems to be smiling at the man she's standing in front of, taking the hand he offers her in both of hers, holding it tight. Obviously Pepper knows who that is even if I don't.

So I know as a kid, you're always taught not to judge a book by its cover and that first impressions aren't everything, but he's wearing a white suit.

White suit, sunglasses, his arm around my PA's waist as he leads her inside the meeting room and he's blonde.

Someone's obviously trying to pretend he's better than me, in my building. I know I should probably say something but obviously my PA has forgotten I exist.

Pepper's grumpy and ignores me probably more that she should in a normal working relationship, but she's always perfectly professional the moment anyone else is involved. So right now, I think I have the right to be completely confused.

This sounds completely stupid but I'm not quite sure what to do. We have a method for meetings, they always work the same way. I could probably abandon this meeting altogether and leave Pepper to it. Obviously she likes him.

My great escape plan gets stopped by the arrival of Obadiah Stane and his wonderfully shiny bald head. I've always wanted to polish it, or draw on it, or just find a way to really annoy him. He looks as surprised as I feel at the fact I'm here on time, herding me into the room after Pepper and that man.

Ten minutes pass since I first saw him, and I finally find out that the new man is, in fact, Justin Hammer. I have to pretend to smile when he starts talking about how he hopes we can be friends. I nod slightly and sit down, noticing the glowers I'm getting from Stane and Potts threatening to disintegrate me if I don't behave.

Anyone would think that I'm a child and they're my mom and dad sometimes. Or a really grumpy set of grandparents that think I should be getting married and having five children with a suitable woman.

Anyway. The meeting seems to be about some kind of collaboration project between my company and Justin's. Well obviously my answer to that is no, never, not going to happen, but my opinion isn't worth anything to these two. I haven't even bothered to mention it.

I'm just spending the meeting letting my mind wonder, last time I sat through one of these business meetings I managed to almost figure a way to make a portable anti-gravity device, that I can slip under women's skirts to blow them upwards, giving the viewer a perfect view of her panties.

Not that it would have been any fun to use on my PA today because of that awful skirt.

Normally Pepper is much more formal and polite to the people we have meetings with. Most people wouldn't notice the slight changes and I know she's pretending that nothing's changed but she's lost all the snark and bossiness from her voice. She's not broken eye contact with him once. Normally she looks away a good few times to catch my gaze, usually to give a meaningful look or just so she can check if it's actually me she's just kicked under the table.

Pepper hasn't even looked at me once yet; all she keeps doing is gazing into that man's eyes. Maybe he's a hypnotist and that's what he's planning on doing to her to get a better deal out of the company.

I'm going to have to try and grab her when this ends and have a discussion with her about just how she knows that man. Sighing completely overdramatically, I dump my head in my hand, glaring over at the slimy blonde.

"Bored already Tony?" The voice that cuts through my thoughts is definitely not Pepper's. Slimy has obviously noticed me before she has; cocking my gaze a little I catch his gaze.

His eyes are extremely boring and not going to hypnotise me with them.

"I need coffee." I point out bluntly, getting up before any of them could stop me: "Anyone mind? No? Good, see you in half an hour." Turning my back I march away before anyone can say anything to stop me.

It's true. I need coffee. I'm going to find a double strength Irish coffee and down it before I think too much about what's going on.

Why does Pepper know him? Why is she so close to him? And why does just him being in the room piss me off so very much?!

What's going on between Virginia Potts and Justin Hammer that I don't know about!

* * *

I don't think I've ever had coffee that's tasted quite this good. Well, I say coffee but it's actually just a shot of coffee and a hell of a lot of Whiskey. I have a horrible feeling that I'm gonna need several more of these before I want to go back into that meeting room. I don't know where those two got to, and I don't really care.

Finishing the mug I just pull the bottle of whiskey from the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet. There are places that even my PA doesn't have access to. This particular meeting room I'm hiding in (not that I'm actually hiding. I just didn't want to go near those two, or baldy) is one of the ones that I have stocked for mid meeting breaks, so I can have a drink or two when I need one.

This bottle of Jack Daniels and I are friends, I've decided. I'd take it back into the meeting if I didn't think Pepper would kill me for it. I've done it before, occasionally she steals it and sometimes she'll have a very long drink before she throws it in the bin. I think that woman is much more stressed than she tells me.

I think I've drunk about half the bottle by the time I should get back. At least my head doesn't feel quite so shitty now. Whiskey helps with just about everything, especially how I feel about Justin Hammer it seems.

With a huff, I drop the bottle back into the drawer and kick it shut. Pepper is probably still going to notice the booze on my breath if she gets anywhere near me.

That's a big IF. She's not even bothered to come looking for me right now. Yawning I head back down the corridor, if she's not coming to me I'll go to her.

I sound desperate don't I?

There's a scrambling of chairs and noise as I throw the door open again. Justin and Pepper are still in there, she's curled up with a coffee mug in one hand and upside-down paperwork in the other. He's sat opposite her, glancing over at her as he presses the coffee to his own lips. The two of them pretend not to notice me for a moment, I would have been completely fooled by it all if it wasn't for the fact she looks slightly dishevelled and there's what looks like traces of her lip stick around his mouth. Or at least I think it's hers, although Hammer could secretly be a transvestite for all I know.

Of course there's probably a completely logical explanation for it, maybe she fell asleep in the chair or fell over off those stupid shoes and he caught her.

It's definitely not because she's kissed him. Why would my Pepper Potts kiss him? Obviously she knows him, but that's no reason I should start thinking she's touching him. Pepper has a boyfriend to keep up with.

Tony. Shut up. You're actually thinking about what your PA does with her life outside of work. You have much better things to do than this.

Like completely ignoring the rest of this meeting. They started talking again; obviously Obie has reappeared whilst I was thinking.

I can't understand why Pepper's doing this; she's just gazing at him aimlessly whilst talking about million dollar business deals and it's really pissing me off. It's as if I've stopped existing.

I'm a billionaire genius playboy philanthropist, not a love struck teenager.

And that is not my PA's boyfriend. I'm reading things into the situation. Obviously she knows him and she's flirting to get the company a better deal.

She wouldn't date my business rival, that's just not right. Dating someone's worst enemy to get their attention is a thing children do.

My attempt at tuning into the conversation only lasts three seconds, they're talking about bio-economic factors involved in experimentation and testing whilst Stane explains about our private testing grounds. My private testing grounds. I wonder how much the safety protocols she's spouting will matter if Hammer uses them. I think I remember him being the guy who rushed testing and prototypes of a lot of explosive failures. It's probably what happened to his own testing grounds.

Yawning, I lay my head on my arms on the table, half watching the trio and getting comfy.

The moment this meeting is over, I am getting Hogan to take me to the nearest bar.

Get drunk, get laid, and stop thinking about how Justin Hammer is a transvestite and Pepper is still unable to stay on her feet whist my back is turned.

Sounds like a very good idea to me.

What do you think?


	9. Chapter 9

Here's a fact for you, Anthony Stark doesn't really have a temper. Yeah, I'm stubborn and awkward and demanding, but I've never particularly had the desire to punch something. (Pepper actually has more of a temper than I do. I've seen her angry and things break and people run as far away as possible.) But for some reason since that meeting I've just wanted to hit something.

I know Pepper can't be dating him; she wouldn't lower herself to that level. And more to the point, she's not that mean to me. Dating my business rival is so unprofessional it's just not her. Obviously she's flirting for the good of my company.

I haven't asked her about my hypothesis on her and him; she probably wouldn't even talk to me if she did.

Miss Potts is always very private about her own life; she changes the subject before I can ask a single question. I don't actually know fuck all about her outside of work. I'm not even quite sure where she's living at the moment.

What if she's actually a bitch?

I'm gonna burn my hand on the soldering iron again. I've migrated to the lab and locked everyone out. I'm going to stay here and do what I do best. The newspapers fondly call me an inventor rather than a mad scientist.

I'm not actually a scientist, I'm an engineer. A lot of people forget that. I make things and create things, but I have a very keen interest in science. I make weapons, very high tech ones that can change the world if you use them right.

I'm not even going to think about what happens with my inventions. Back to the other thing, my PA. And the fact we have a charity ball tonight. This means I'll get forced out of my lab and into a suit and out of the door to be social.

Oh, if you're wondering about last night it was nothing special. I just had too much whiskey, pulled, and dragged three women whose names I don't know home. Usually that would satisfy me for a while but it hasn't even worked for today.

I think the whole world is against me today, I can hear Pepper marching down the stairs to verbally chop my head off. I haven't been to an appointment or a meeting all day. It's her fault; I don't want to look at her.

Never thought I'd say that. I just can't get the thought of her and Justin possibly being together out of my head. I wonder what he's done to her.

And why she won't let me do it.

"Mr Stark." Here we go; she's probably standing in the doorway of the lab glaring at my back in an attempt to burn a hole into it.

"I'm busy, Pepper..."

"You're going to be late." She scolds, I can hear her move but like hell I'm going to turn around: "And there are about three hundred things I need to talk to you about that you've missed with this protest of yours."

"Who says it's a protest?" I try to point out, but she keeps talking, following after me when I set off to walk around the lab. Of course she's not listening, following me.

"We have a ball tonight that you have to attend, the military have a new contract you need to sign, Rhodey called again wanting to know if you're planning on attending the demonstration, you need to come the office and tell me what you want me to do with stuff you bought last week."

I'm only half listening as I carry on wondering around the lab, letting her talk as I half clean up; this seems to be the only time I ever do any sort of cleaning. It means I can pretend I'm not listening: "I know, I will, yes and I know about that too. I thought I told you what to do with it?" I reply, not expecting her to realise I'm actually answering her questions.

"No you didn't." Oh, so she was listening. She's stopped behind me and she's probably trying to laser burn a hole in my back with her eyes.

"I did. Told you last week..." I point out; pretending that I'm rearranging the vials in front of me (I can't actually remember what's in these, but something that smells awful.)

"A million and seven other things have happened since last week." The woman behind me snaps, flicking through the papers on her clipboard: "You didn't even write it down for me did you? Honestly Tony, this is why you can't run the company without me! Never mind look after yourself, when did you last sleep or eat..." Normally I can put up with her attitude towards me, no matter how picky and bossy she gets. Pepper seems to forget that I'm actually the boss here sometimes, but it's really pissing me off right now: "...You really do need to learn to take care of yourself and your company! When did you last come up to the office with me and do some productive work? I need y-"

"Are you sleeping with Hammer?" Okay. So that wasn't quite what I meant to say, but it's been bothering me so I might as well ask. Turning back around to face her, I can't help but smirk at her expression. She looks like I've just run her over with a bus or slapped her with a frying pan.

"No." Pepper replies, her voice staying steady and calm despite her expression. She might as well have written _yes there is something going on that you were never supposed to know about_ on her forehead.

"You sure about that, Potts?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest and keeping my gaze on her. For once, Pepper seems to wilt a little, like a child caught by a teacher kissing behind the bike sheds. I've never seen her like that, and weirdly I feel like I've done something wrong.

"Very sure, Mr Stark." Her voice is still perfect, despite her momentary lapse. Could an earthquake not even break her demeanour for more than three seconds? She's marched back across the room and is glowering at me, her expression dangerous. This is one of the few times I know that I've really hit a nerve. She looks ready to kill me, it's the same expression she had when I accidently told the press she was gay and that was why I've never slept with her: "Mr Hammer and I have a professional relationship in front of you, and anything other than that has nothing to do with you, Mr Stark. I suggest you get ready for this evening. The car will be ready at seven."

I never thought the way she said my name could feel like she's just stabbed me with something sharp.

And she's lying to me, but she's not... Fucking women and their emotional bullshit. If I knew how to make this stop, I would. I shouldn't care about what she does or why she does it.

And I really shouldn't care if she's dating Justin hammer and didn't tell me. She made me find out myself.

Okay Tony, cool it. You don't care about what your PA does outside of work remember? You don't care, it doesn't affect you, it's nothing to do with you, and it doesn't matter she marched off before you could tell her what you really think.

Come here whiskey. You don't talk. You don't do weird shit.

I hate women who have their clothes on and thrust their relationships in my face!

I need a long, hard drink before tonight.

* * *

So maybe my one drink turned into half the bottle and I still don't regret it; I could have drunk the entire thing and fallen asleep for the rest of the day rather than suffer this ball. As much as I encourage charity work and I don't mind giving them money, I just don't get why that involves a pointless party at which I'm expected to socialise.

Maybe there's gonna be a hot woman or two to keep me occupied; usually there's someone for me to talk to.

Anyway, I'm dressed and waiting for a certain woman to appear. I know it's weird that my PA constantly seems to get ready in my house for everything, but we normally have the same makeup artist and hairdresser, so in a way it makes sense.

And it means she knows exactly where I am and she can stop me escaping. I've done that before. She wasn't impressed.

Weirdly, I'm ready before she is. So sprawling on the sofa in a tux, getting JARVIS to fill the house with AC/DC and waiting for her to appear is always a good idea, even though the bots seem to have drained all the whiskey in my cabinet again. I'll confess now that all the bots have safety protocols about who much I'm allowed to drink before they'll take the bottle off me. It's saved me a few times from doing stupid things, like booking an operation to change my gender about three months back. Starkella was obviously never supposed to happen.

Hopefully the footsteps coming down the stairs mean my pepper pot is finally ready to go.

"Evening beautiful." I've yelled it before I've even sat up properly, stretching both arms above my head. Pepper can't complain I haven't said the customary complement about her evening regalia if I do it now. (And means I might actually say something that isn't going to give her reason to throw champagne in my face.)

"Beautiful?" Oh wait. That's definitely not my PAs voice. Either she's suddenly changed gender or that's someone I haven't seen in a long time: "You getting desperate again Tony?"

"Have they finally dismissed you?" I ask with a grin, scrambling off the sofa in the most unattractive fashion ever, and scrambling up, waiting for the other man to come to me.

"Dismissed? I got promoted!" My new accomplice is James Rhodes, who I've known since MIT and is my best friend. Despite the face he's older than I am we've always gotten along, he's probably the only person that can stand me outside of my staff

"Still general dishwasher?" I ask, holding out a hand to him.

"Liaison between the military and the weapons manufacturers, and its Lieutenant Rhodes to you, that was only for a week." He's pulled me into a hug anyway; I've actually really missed having Rhodey around to talk to, but don't tell him that.

"You come to make me rich rather than Hammer? I thought the military preferred him?"

"Your stuff works." He points out, still grinning at me: "Hammer's has a habit of doing nothing."

"So you're planning on accompanying me to this ball, getting me drunk and making me sign a contract with awful terms and huge demands for half price?"

"Pretty much."

"I like that plan." I point out, still grinning: "Whiskey?" It's more of an order than a question really, pushing the glass into his hand before he can come up with some bullshit reason why he can't have it _because he's working_.

Rhodey and I must have wasted almost an hour catching up and emptying my whiskey cabinet before the second set of footstep came trailing down the stairs.

"Thought you'd abandoned us for the night Potts." I tease, extracting my (slightly more crumpled and definitely more drunk than when she left me) self from under Rhodes and getting up.

Normally I just take a minute to gaze at her, My PA almost always looks stunning in floor-length black, white or blue dresses, making her hair do gravity defying things and shoes that make her taller than I am, but tonight is...um...different? Someone's completely straightened her hair, the smallest pair of heels I've ever seen on her and she's wearing a hot pink, sparkly, off the shoulder cocktail dress.

Wait.

What?!

I know nothing about fashion but she looks like a teenager at her high school prom. Surely she didn't pick that dress? Tony. Stop staring and think of something to say, quickly.

"That dress would look better on my bedroom floor." I point out, reconstructing my usual cocky grin. It probably would. Or in the trash.

"Has that line ever worked?" She asks, shifting a little under the weight of my gaze.

"Yes, occasionally." I grin, offering her my arm: "On girls that didn't look as beautiful as you do tonight." It's a very forced grin as I look her over, she really does look a state in that dress and I'm struggling to hold back the laughter.

She takes my arm without protest and lets me lead her outside, her and Rhodey engaging in a conversation about a new weapon the military want from us. I didn't even know they knew each other. I really should pay a little bit more attention to who she speaks to.

"So who bought the dress?" I finally ask once we're all in the back of the limo, sharing a bottle of champagne that probably cost as much as Rhodey's entire military get up.

"My partner." Pepper points out with a smile, taking a long sip from the glass in her hand, a sudden sparkle in her eyes as she thought about him.

"He's been promoted from boyfriend?" I ask ignoring the look Rhodes is giving me over the top of his own glass: "Because he bought you a dress?"

She doesn't say anything, just slightly inclines her head whilst looking at her knees.

"Are you that easy to impress?" I ask her, downing the champagne in my glass and abandoning it somewhere: "Shoes and flowers and clothes? I buy you all those things too..."

"If your next line is 'why aren't I dating you then?'" Pepper retorts before I can say anything more, her gaze snapping up and setting her gaze on me: "It's because my boyfriend isn't a jumped up spoilt teenager that expects everything to be his and his way. He just loves me for who I am. You can't buy my affection Tony."

It seems like she's timed her statement perfectly as we finally pull in outside the ball, Pepper disappearing out of the car before I've managed to say anything else.

So I have to show her how I feel? How am I supposed to do that?!

Tonight is going to be a very long night.

* * *

I recently managed to get my tumblr to work finally. I'll be posting chapter previews there and I'll answer any questions and reviews as well. I think that'll be easier than trying to reply to them on here. If you are interested, the link is pepperfays . tumblr . com (remove the spaces)


	10. Chapter 10

One day someone will invent a ball that isn't boring. But that'll probably be the day that i stop having to attend them altogether. Pepper hasn't come back since i made her angry at me, i don't really blame her. But! There are plenty of reasonably attractive men and important business people that she can get distracted by, she's always been the one that's good at talking until your ears hurt about business things. She also seems to know everyone's names. Which is weird and usually leads her to following me around and whispering who people are in my ear, i can usually tell if I've slept with them or not from how angry she sounds.

In the scheme of things, her dress isn't really that dissimilar to most of the women's at this ball, it seems to be a room full of bad dress sense.

It's just bothering me. That Justin Hammer bought that dress.

I thought that man was interested in trying to look cooler than me? Not make my PA look like a blancmange. Unless he's decided to wear a pink suit to match.

And then I'll piss myself laughing.

Anyway, Rhodes has gone off to do whatever he does, peppers missing in the crowds and i didn't bring anyone else along to bother. So I'm going to find whiskey and somewhere to go sit and find someone worthy of my attention.

I've found someone, well; about four someone's that are all giving me the overwhelming urge to do some research into hairspray again. They're all attempting to use their hair to make themselves taller. (I'm actually tempted to try and grow my own a bit, see it that makes me look any taller. I hate being short, okay?)

Women are still completely weird, i know they're all over me right now but they'll hate me in the morning. I don't understand how they work; Potts keeps proving that to me lately. I never really had a mom to teach me about them... Anyone feel like writing me a book about them? Might actually read it.

And there's the most confusing woman in my life again, hold his hand and giggling as he holds her. Obviously Peppers caught me looking; throwing me the same look she probably gives the toilet on the morning. Its awkward watching her, I've never even seen her with a boyfriend before! I've never watched her be kissed or touched or held by anyone. I can't look away and i know i should, i have a weird feeling I'm jealous.

Pfft. Anthony Stark jealous of his PAs boyfriend? I have much better, more gorgeous, more successful, sexier women i can chase around than her. I'm just concerned about her work ethic getting ruined and that I'll have to fire her.

But...I don't think I could run the company without her.

That's the only decent reason why I just jumped up and extracted myself from the gaggle of women surrounding me and went after my PA the moment her partner stepped away from her side to fetch her a drink. Pepper didn't seem to realise i was even approaching her until I was about a millimetre from her face, grinning at her.

"Tony!" She squeaked when she realised, almost jumping backwards out of the haze she was lost in, cheeks flushing deeper than her dress: "What do you want?"

Peps question seems a bit stupid if you ask me, why do women always ask things like that? I do stuff because I want to do it and I go places because I want to go there, and isn't it obvious what I want? I want her. And to punch Hammer in the face. But her first.

"To dance?" I suggest beaming at her and offering my hand to her, noticing her partner slipping out of one of the main doors. I don't think I've ever seen her pull such a confused face, she's looking at me like i just offered to change into a cat like that woman in harry potter right before her eyes...I bet i could make that possible.

"You can't dance..." Pepper offers in protest, her expression settling into a more familiar scathing look, hands across her chest as she watches me. Leaning forwards just enough i unlace them, threading my fingers around hers and placing her free hand on my shoulder, mine resting on her waist.

"Yes I can." I point out with a smirk, starting to take the lead: "Jarvis taught me..."

"Your computer taught you to dance." Pepper gives me a look that's almost more scathing than the last six, her hands finally relaxing slightly into mine as she lets me take her into step, leading her into the dancers as the song changed. (Full orchestras sound awesome in concert halls for important parties, make a note.)

"...Jarvis used to be my butler." I point out, shifting my hands on her back to pull her in and stop a collision with someone i think i recognise.

"H-he was a person?" She asks, genuinely looking lost for a few moments. I seriously though pepper knew this story? Obviously not. Huh.

"Yeah, looked after me as a kid a lot and taught me to dance and *have manners*...Not that it worked." She almost smiles at that, drawing herself in closer and gazing down at me, actually listening for a change: "So I named my computer after him..."

"...Because he does the same job?" She offers helpfully, smiling at me slightly more than before and keeping step with me, following me around in a dance that probably should have been more awkward than it is.

"Yeah. Exactly..." I mutter, spinning her around in my arm at the exact moment I should in this waltz, my hands landing a little too low on her back. Strangely, she doesn't protest but her cheeks flush slightly, the pink doing its usual trick of bringing out the freckles on her nose and cheeks. Okay, so somehow, despite the huge layer of makeup making her look like a Barbie doll with ginger hair, my heads telling me to tell her she's beautiful.

You're not her boyfriend idiot. She'll punch you.

Speaking of boyfriends, there's gentle tap on my shoulder from the man that thinks he's worthy of being her boyfriend.

"Mr Stark, I believe that's my Girl you're dancing with." He smiled, showing off his over whitened teeth from above me, I really need to get taller. I could almost swear Pepper tightened her grip on my hand for a moment before letting go and smiling at him as she took her champagne glass.

"She's also my PA." I point out, letting her go anyway: "I think she can spare me five minutes of her time."

Pepper seems to look between the two of us, obviously sensing that i want to stab Justin for interrupting: "I think Rhodey was looking for you Tony."

I know it's a lie but i nod anyway, casting Hammer the cockiest smirk i can before heading off into the crowd again. I should stop drinking quite so much whiskey.

Somehow, Potts stays out of my mind until this pointless ball is almost over, and I'm getting herded out of the door by Rhodes (who did actually want to talk to me. Maybe Pepper was having premonitions or something about me and him?) With his usual line of *go home tony you're drunk again*. I'm doing as I'm told and then suddenly she's there with that thing of hers, back pressed up against the wall and I can tell she's crying.

Don't ask. I just know.

And don't ask why I'm about to do what I'm about to do but he made her cry.

And nobody but me is allowed to make my PA cry.

Marching up behind them i cough, attracting peppers attention before i get his, and i swear that was relief in her eyes.

Finally Hammer turns around, sarcastic smile set on his face but its pretty obvious he's grinding his teeth at the sight of me: "What do you want, Tony?"

Okay. Okay asshole. Nobody addresses me like that and makes my girl cry and gets away with it: "You made Pepper cry." I point out without really thinking it through, glaring at him from behind my Ray-Bans.

"She made herself cry, Didn't you darling?" Hammer twists slightly to glace at Pepper, and her relief at seeing me vanishes as she nods, Justin's gaze on her obviously means something and i don't know what.

But I don't like it.

Okay, kids, what I'm about to do next wasn't the best idea I've ever had (wasn't the stupidest, that's a different story altogether) but I don't suggest you do it to anyone unless you really need to or they're a bully.

Before him or her could argue, I punched him.

Even Hogan would have been proud of that particular punch if his back hadn't been turned. Usually I don't really mean it when I hit people, it's just training or it's Rhodey. But I actually meant that one.

Seconds later and I've been descended on by a load of huge blokes that stink like cheap cologne and need better haircuts, but it's done what I needed it to, Peppers disappeared before he can make her cry anymore.

"That woman makes you do some stupid things Tony." Rhodey points out once he's dragged me out of cheap stink mountain and is handle manning me back to the limo and my actual bodyguard.

"He made her cry." I point out loudly, acting up how much I've had to drink despite the adrenaline coursing through my body: "Wasn't stupid at all! Shoulda done it harder!"

Rhodey pulled me away despite my protesting, through the crowds and out past the press. There would be hell to pay in the morning for what I'd just done, I knew it but I knew it was the right thing to do. I don't normally stick up for anyone other than myself, and it really does feel weird to have helped my PA out.

Maybe I should do this more?


	11. Chapter 11

So apparently punching someone else's boyfriend suddenly makes the entire world think you're secretly having a relationship with his girlfriend. At least it does according to the written media and every single TV station (I haven't dared look at what the less official part of the internet makes of it yet). Are all press reporters ninjas? Because I could have sworn we were alone when I did that, yet suddenly there's photos and phone footage and everyone's asking why I did it.

So today is already gonna be one of those days and I haven't even left my bed. I'm pretty certain that there's not gonna be the usual footsteps and bad temper to drag me out of here, I'm not even sure where the owner of both of those things is right now. Hopefully in the process of telling Hammer where to shove it. JARVIS is taking his usual delight in pulling up every news report and magazine cover that he can find to give me a headache with. Gotta say that the headlines are getting worse; 'Blows at the ball', 'Pepper Potts: The new Bridget Jones' (Who the hell is that? Have I slept with her?) 'The Bust Up Club' and the least creative, probably because it's one of those serious papers that business people read on the subway and glower at you over: 'Tony Stark punches Justin Hammer"

That last article was at least blunt about it. Still no regrets though! And it seems that's the only newspaper that's been honest about what happened, I punched him and walked (well, was dragged by Rhodey) away, but according to the magazines "There was an all-out punch-up where Stark almost killed Hammer with dirty boxing techniques, unashamedly taught to him by disqualified boxer Happy Hogan, whilst a horrified crowd watched. Mr Hammer had to be rushed to intensive care in hospital once Stark had been dragged away from his mutilated body"

It's making me wish I'd actually done more than punched him...but then the press would have probably acted like I'd killed him.

Whatever. I don't really care... I just care that Pepper's okay. And that I never uninstall the vocal recognition software from my computer, my hand is seriously killing me or I would attempt to write down everything I'm saying rather than saying it aloud for JARVIS to record.

I wonder if it's actually possible to break your hand punching someone?

* * *

Okay, so that trip to A&E has officially taught me that yes, you can break your hand by punching someone if you hit them in the jaw at the wrong angle and jar your wrist at the same time. So my right hand looks so sexy in a bandage, and I had to get out of bed and suffer a lecture from my own bodyguard on how I should learn to punch correctly if I'm going to start fights, and that I probably shouldn't have because now the press are talking shit about him too. I think he's been spending too much time around Pep. He sounded almost like her if she had a penis.

But luckily for me, Hap at least remembered what his priorities are, and has delivered me a mountain of Burger King to keep me quiet on the way back from hospital. Apparently these things are impossible to eat with any decorum if you've only got one hand, I should probably be getting a lecture on manners, and how I don't have any, from a concerned parent or my PA right now whilst she attacks me with a cloth to my mouth and a scowl. (I swear Potts was born to be a mother, she's already getting her practice in on me, rather than on a friend's brat.)

It is actually weird that she's not here to do that. Yeah, I know, I complain and act like I hate her for it all the time, but it's actually kinda nice that she does. I should probably say something to her about what happened last night...Not that I'm apologising! I don't regret it. In the slightest. And you should never apologise unless you actually mean it, unless that apology is worth money or saves your marriage apparently, that was Dad's policy on it.

* * *

JARVIS, delete anything I said earlier about possibly not hating my PA. Most women, with a soul or any feelings wouldn't have yelled at me! Then handed me a fully booked meeting schedule and whacked me with her clipboard accidently when I tried to mention the fact her eyes are still slightly red. I don't think she slept much last night, probably because she was worrying about me and debating the best way to get me to throw myself lovingly into her arms and carry her away from her asshole boyfriend.

Keep dreaming Tony; those tears were over him not you.

Pepper's marched off to do something and left me in her office to wait for her to find me something else productive to do, now that I've been a good little boss and followed her entire schedule to the letter. Unluckily for her, and lucky for me, she's left her cell on the desk.

Well it's completely not an invasion of privacy if I'm attempting to stop it ringing and I just completely and utterly *happen* to unlock it in the process. JARVINIA likes me anyway, that's what I've named the software that's partially in the device and partly still in production, and she's told me so. Well, more exactly she told Dum-e through her coding, and he then data-shared to JARVIS and he then told me, but I know where the message was from. This AI system has the same learning capabilities as my bots but the talking ability of JARVIS and all the sass and gingerness of the woman that owns it. She's turning out to be quite useful even in her delta stages, seems like she hasn't forgotten who her daddy is.

Pepper has officially got the most boring collection of texts on her mobile apart from the ones that are registered as being from her **darling**, I'm just guessing but that's probably him. Oh and the ones from me, they're pretty cool.

But he's even a creep in texts. Listen to this! "It's not my fault you were in tears, was it darling? There was no need to set the man you've been cheating with on me, was there Virginia?" I just want to punch him right now. He is the most...eww...I just CAN'T stand him. I want to know how my PA even stands him. It can't be romantic... What did she do to him? March into his office and yell at him like she did to me?

At least I'm certain they're dating now.

Why didn't Pepper just tell me? What did she think was going to happen? I was gonna punch hi-Oh wait. But she still should have told me about it! I know she hates me and doesn't want me involved, but I probably wouldn't hate it so much if she'd just told me about it.

Maybe I should just get a girlfriend myself and forget about her completely, seems like she doesn't even care when I stick up for her.

I sound like a fucking emo teenager swooning after the most popular girl in school. Grow up Tony. You're an adult. You can have ANY woman you want at all. You could even have a queen if you gave her the usual knock-em-dead treatment. She'd be on her knees giving you head before the end of the night.

Right. Okay. I give up.

No more flirting with her Anthony Stark, and no more breaking your hand from hitting slimy men.

Ditching her cell back on the desk, I lean back in the chair, yawning and getting comfy whilst she's not about.

Ten minutes later and the clicking of heels serenades the grumpy cow's return, I think that's probably the sound that completely sums up my PA, accompanied by a good deal of shouting at people for things and a scowl.

"Nice lip-gloss you have there" Cracking open one eye, I grin up at her, catching her gaze and grinning "Wouldn't it be a shame if I was to kiss it off?"

I'm never going to stop flirting with her am I?


End file.
